Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
