i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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