Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
