Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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