Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
