I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
