god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize