go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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