so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
