one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
