so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
