Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
