I could make wine with my vomit
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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