I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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