going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize