I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
