I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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