Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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