well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
