Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
