Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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