i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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