he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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