There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
