Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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