I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is Oprah even human
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
