Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
