If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
