I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
