So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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