my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
