guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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