epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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