She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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