I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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