yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
