no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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