It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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