If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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