We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
