Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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