shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
