I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
