I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How's work?
Spinning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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