Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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