I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
