yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
me + whiskey = a bad person
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
