the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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