watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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