News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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