the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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