He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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