so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
