I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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