Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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