bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
