I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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