I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
