It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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