The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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