OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
