I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize