I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
