I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
