Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
