I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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