take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
